First off, I want to tell you I love you so much. Words could never explain the love a father has for his daughter. I know I'm not with you right now but I am in your heart always.
You came into this world as an unsuspected surprise of joy. When your mom and I found out that she was pregnant with you, we didn't know what we were going to do. We were so young and inexperienced in life yet. After thinking and thinking and thinking we came to the decision that adoption was the best choice for you. We knew that's what we needed to do in order for you to have the best life.
I love you so much, sweetheart. I actually love u so much where I can detach myself from you to give you a better life. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy for your mom or me. I believe that as a parent you have to make sacrifices for your children, and losing you was my sacrifice; my emotional distress was my sacrifice, and not having you in my life was my sacrifice. I only did it to deliver with the absolute best that I could, for you and you only.
The moment I found out you were going to be brought into this world you became exactly that ... my world. Me and your mom were very young and knew that you didn't deserve to be raised and brought into our unstable lives -- it's just not fair to you, and that's all I ever think about is you. Honey, you are my strength through this, you have no clue how hard this is to give you away. I knew from the start that this would be the best for you. I know it sounds crazy that it would be hard as a parent to give their child the best, but when you are a parent and giving your child the best includes not having your child it becomes the most important and hardest decision.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The thought of what kind of dad I wanted to be and what you deserve just didn't mix. It's very hard to admit that you don't deserve me as your dad, but that comes with maturity and you have to be mature to be a parent. You were innocent. You didn't ask to be brought into this world and you didn't choose your parents. Your mom and me made an irresponsible mistake not using protection. I will not punish you for that.
My little baby girl, you are everything to me and so much more. That's why I gave you the parents you deserve. I just want you to know that you were my first and I will always love you no matter what. I think about you everyday. You are everything to me. I don't EVER, EVER want you to think I didn't want you. I would have loved to keep you and squeeze you everyday and see that beautiful face every morning. I would have loved to let you ride on my back and be that little pony you always wanted ... but it wasn't about what I wanted. It was about you and what was best for you.
I know I missed out on a lot of things in your life, but you will always be a part of my heart and you will always be my little girl. If and whenever you miss me, just put your hand over your heart and count those beats ... I am in every one of them forever. You will never be alone in this world and don't ever forget that. I love you forever, that's why I picked out that special word on the back your blanket that you will never go away, baby girl. You're my heart, my air, my soul and my spirit. You are every breath I take and every beat in my heart ... without you I wouldn't be able to live. I will always love you ... you are in my thoughts every day.
Love,
Your Daddy
